The dance by MAD on teacher's day and tapestry=)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8d9mVAcPSo

I have no idea why i'm blogging so early. I just felt the need to. There are just so much feelings trapped in me that even i, have no clear idea what they are. I've been feeling very suffocated, sad, emo, happy...and the list goes on. It's a myriad of feelings and it's rather too overwhelming for me. I suppose there's every reason for each feeling i'm experiencing?

For one, i'm really glad i chose hwachong. I have not told many, but i was actually considering national jc at the end of secondary four, for both pae and jae. Why, people may ask. After all hwachong is still a better school in terms of ranking and the building ( no offence to students from njc). When all my closer friends are attending njc, i was really tempted to join them. I get to see them everyday, hell i even have a cca guaranteed for my next two years. Going to hwachong meant having to make friends all over again, having to face the risk of not having a decent cca. But on the bright side, it meant that i could start afresh with no expectations of me from people i know and i would get to know a even wider circle of people. So hwachong won me over=)

Sure sometimes, i do still miss my friends, especially my cca mates. I would be wondering what they might be doing across the road. However i'm very happy with my life right now. Honestly, i quite like my class. I think the people in my class are quite different from other classes, which sometimes is a good thing. Many in my class are jokers, which makes our lessons fun=P.

Before the start of the year, i had promised myself to be more sociable and extrovert. If people were to know me before secondary three, they would know how introvert i was. I think i was fortunate to be part of different social groups in school life for the past sixteen years of my life. Popular, outcast and just an average nobody in the school. ( No one would have guessed i was once an outcast.) I guess it's my experience that makes me who i am today and i'm very grateful to that.

In a way, i think i've changed a lot. Compare the current me to the me in the past. It's just like two completely different person. I think i'm more extrovert, more sociable and most importantly, happier. I like this change=)

I had mentioned in my previous post that i returned to my secondary school on teacher's day. My eyes were subconsciously searching for my hwachong classmates and then reality hit me time and time again. I wasn't in hwachong. This scared me a lot, am i really that attached to hwachong. Sure i've known for long that i really like this school, a lot more than my secondary school but i don't know that the magnitude was great to such an extent. And this links to why i'm quite down lately.

August has come and gone. September is around the corner. What does this mean? Our first year in hwachong is ending soon. Our next year is mostly mugging, mugging and mugging. Then all of us will go our separate ways. When will be the next time we'll meet again?:(

And i'm having weird feelings which i can't explain at all. WHY WHY WHY?! This brought me back to the time when kelly, val and shaoying told me that i should be glad that i don't experience stuff that they experienced. While i was there whining and complaining that my life lacks that kind of stuff and i can't wait to experience it. Lol though i doubt what i'm feeling now has anything got to do with that, (even if it is, there's nothing i can do about it).

After reading this, do you think you know me better? I doubt so because i don't either.






Everything is just a facade.

p.s: this is not an emo post but a reflective one=)

We went RSAF yesterday!!! The experience was pretty great. We tried out how it feels like in fighter planes. And we entered the helicopters, fuel planes and took lots and lots of pictures!=D Then there was an air show which showcased the planes in the air force. It was magnificent. I think our group had the most fun over there=))

To our class's dismay, three of our classmates were not aware of the time for boarding of the bus to RSAF open house. They stayed at the library, confident that the rest of our class would call them when it's time. However, we did not. Everyone assumed that another would call and ended up with no one calling. So they missed the last bus and the planes. They had to face the wrath of teachers today too. Sigh.

Today's teacher's day. Unfortunately due to the performance, i couldn't attend the mass dance. Thus i couldn't try to hype up the class. I've not asked the class how it was, hope it went well. According to the crowd, the performance can only be described in 1 word. GREAT! =DD i felt that it was good too. It was our last performance and it will be mugging for the next three weeks. I'll miss the days of practices, surprisingly. I felt aa. My friend said i stood out, in terms of clothes -.-

After the performance, there were doubts expressed by the guys in my class that my eyelashes are fake. Have they not heard about the existence of mascara? Apparently not. So believing that they might be gentle, i did the most stupid thing. I asked them to try pulling la. And guess what, they tugged at my eyelash and ONE CAME OUT!!! Geez...and he asked: eh why your eyelash so big arh. And they claimed that if it can come out, it means it's fake. I was -_-

I just spent my whole Sunday doing pw when i should be mugging for econs test and chemistry mock spa tomorrow. GG

OMG, i'm damn high today and i have no idea why.

Basically, the day started off real great. When i reached school, shaoying was already there and she tried persuading me to continue watching the anime Nodame Cantabile. But i refused. Then yichan joined us and it was 2 vs 1, i was the one alone. I rejected their offer profusely, insisting that Chiaki Sinichi is UGLY and fat, please even the girl (whom shaoying claims is ugly) seems more good looking la. And guess what? I GOT ABUSED BY SHAOYING AND YICHAN!! THEY BEAT ME T_T. Can you believe it? They beat me over the ugly main character of a manga? Gosh, they broke my heart=(. Just kidding =D

Yup, then the six of us in the class (namely me, kelly, valerie, shaoying, yichan and melissa) chatted. About : how shaofei and zhiyang looks alike in the class photo. lol and a lot of stuff that brought lots of laughter. Oh and we were late for the econs lecture. Rare.

Then during math tutorial, wangyi cursed me. He said i'll fail for the test that mrs koh was returning us. I was like -.-. However, I scored better than him!!! And he fell down. Think he leaned too far back on his chair. What can i say, 老天有眼. Haha retribution for him=D

And the six of us continued our crazy talk during the breaks. We touched on hair and cream? Lol i shall not divulge what we said. But valerie was damn funny. Then shaoying talked about boils. Yichan talked about breadstick? I have no idea where all the randomness come from.

During math lecture, someone FARTED!! LOL i was laughing like mad. You can ask kelly. Furthermore, the fart was freaking loud! Before that, everyone was stoning and sleeping. and everyone stunned for a while, then the laughter came. We were wide awake for the rest of the lecture. I spent the rest of my lecture laughing. I apologise to whoever farted during the lecture.

Oh ya, i suspect that mr ronnie quek is spying on me. Or else, how did he know that i'm addicted to the computer!! I was highly amused at what he said about not being able to stop using the computer. Hmm.. maybe i should go to him for some remedy, or i shall seek help from kelly's pw group.

I have absolutely no idea why i'm so high today? I was laughing and smiling randomly by myself on the bus ride home, drifting to the fart in the math lecture. Lol, i think that the passengers on the bus think that i'm some lunatic. Geez.. i laughed all the way home. Maybe i am going mad.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Posted by me:) at 10:54 PM

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. (erm this part is so not true? lol how the hell do you even do that?!) But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.( haha i think i do believe in what i wear)

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

This quiz is cool, quite accurate=)

Posted by me:) at 9:16 PM

Newton's First Law of Love:
A person will tend to remain not in love or continue loving the same person, unless an external net love acts on him or her.

This is my favourite law of love. Don't you think it really does fit the truth? Haha, randomness.

Anyway, he's leaving... I know that parting of ways is part of life, but when it does happen, it's so hard. When i received the sms, my mood just plunges, and my thoughts drifted back to the past 4 years. He's always been there for us and all. And who knows if and when he's coming back? Right now, i can only wish him all the best. It's hard to say goodbye.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Posted by me:) at 5:04 PM

Zetta Bytes - Notice Me

Here's a story of a girl,
Living in the lonely world,
A hidden note,
A secret crush,
A little boy who talks too much.
Well, I'm standing in the crowd,
And when you smile I check you out,
But you don't even know my name,
Your too busy playing games,
And I want you too know,
If you lose your way,
I won't let you go.


If I cut my hair,
If I change my clothes,
Will you notice me?
If I bite my lip,
If i say hello,
Will you notice me?
Whats it gonna take for you to see
I want you to notice me,
I'll get you notice me.

Got your head up in the clouds,
Tell me when your comin down,
I dont wanna sink your ship,
It's not about the scholarship,
And all the friends that follow you,
Tell you things that just aren't true,
I'm the girl you never see,
I'm the one you really need,
So dont you get me wrong,
You better make your move,
Before the moment's gone
Tell me


I'm not like the rest,
I dont care if you're the best,
You see it, it's all the same to me ,
You just be who you want to be,
It's all the same to me,
Ohhh dont get me wrong,
You better make your move,
Before the moment's gone
Tell me

If I cut my hair,
If I change my clothes,
Will you notice me?
If I bite my lip
If i say hello,
Will you notice me?

If I cut my hair,
If I change my clothes,
Will you notice me?
If I bite my lip
If i say hello,
Will you notice me?
Whats it gonna take for you to see
I want you to notice me,
I'll get you to notice me..
I'll get you to notice me..
I'll get you to notice me..

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Posted by me:) at 8:57 PM

Ever have the feeling that the person you are looking at in the mirror is like a total stranger to you? Ever felt that you have no idea who you are anymore? That's what i've been feeling recently and i'm not sure why. Who's the real me exactly? The one at home or the one in school? Honestly, i like the me in school - the one who's not as temperamental, more sociable than the me at home. But i'm getting confused.

Someone once said this "Does being strong mean that i need no love and care at all?". This has left quite a deep impression in me. Yes, there has always been a wrong perception that a person who's emotionally stronger than others will face little or no problem. Even if they do, they can definitely tackle the problems face-to-face independently and with no trouble at all. Aren't these people human too? Do you know that these people are the ones who are the weakest afterall. they just don't voice it out. They need love and care too, yet people don't see the need to shower those upon them. Times i wish i can appear much weaker than i am right now, but my environment doesn't allow me to do so. Who can i talk to? I have no idea. Some people are just so far away, some are so caught up with their own life, some are already so stressed out with their lives. The need to talk to someone who understands what i'm going through is increasingly strong.

Stressed? I would say slightly. With all the expectations and the competitive environment in school, it's impossible to say no. Many friends say i stress myself. Maybe i do, but it's essential if i want to do well in future. I have expectations to meet, and dreams to fufil. No one knows how high the expectations of me are. Friends, parents of friends( even primary school friends), sister's friends' parents, relatives, teachers....the list goes on. What can i do. When the expectations are set, there's nothing you can go about changing it but meeting them? And some people just have to stress me with some other stupid stuff.

Despite all the confusion and dilemma i'm facing right now, there's one thing i'm certain of => I'm scared of relationships with commitments or burdens. I stay as far as possible away from them, regardless of friendships or bgrs. I guess i just don't like being tied down, or when people expect me to change for " the greater good" of the relationship. To me, stress from such relationships are scarier than those from studies. In relationships, the harder you push for me to commit, the further i move away from it. I'm sorry, that's just me. It's my character. I have commitment problems and i don't do promises AT ALL because i know that the future lies in uncertainty. What i promise you right now, i'm not confident of fulfiling it. And the idea of changing my character just for the relationship to work, it's repulsive to me. It will never work. I'll just be unhappy and things will turn out ugly. I guess i like friendships with lots of fun, and of course it's not just about fun but the idea of having someone there for each other. But, if a friendship means that i'm going to be unhappy everyday or having quarrels or heated discussion every now and then, maybe it's not meant to be. I know i'm being harsh here, but it's what everyone's been telling me. Give it up, if it doesn't work. Based on my character, i don't like the idea of blowing off a relationship, or have never even given a thought about it. It's just not me, i rather like making the best out of it. I hate to come to a day when i have to make such a terrible decision. Sometimes, i wish i'm like my sister. She doens't care about other people's feeling. Afterall, you are responsible for the welfare of yourself. If you are not happy in the first place, why care about others? You place yourself in the top most priority. We don't live for others, we live for ourselves. I think many should be glad i'm not like that.=)

Recently, my friends have been talking stuff about boy girl relationships, official or scandals. Yup, those have definitely entertained me and yet triggered me to observe everyone. I realise that geez, there are so many couples of our age around! And potential couples of course. Scandals are also normal in school. Lol are we going on some kind of teenage hormonal rage? No offense though, i'm sure everyone is serious in their own relationships. What do couples talk about when they see each other all day, every single day? Isn't it boring. I have seen couples trying to find things to talk about, to no avail, Apparently, according to kelly, the reason two people are together is because there's this link between them, so they'll either definitely have something to talk about or feel comfortable with the silence. I'm like....hmmm okay, sure. I think i'll be bored to death. Or maybe i'll be wrong since i've never experienced such feelings before. Oh well, i welcome the blooming of relationships since it means i will have more entertainment through observation and i must say some relationships are really successful, sweet and healthy too.=D

I want to cry, but the tear glands just don't oblige me.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Posted by me:) at 12:02 AM

The two performances at vivo and clarke quay marked the last of tapestry.The performances were great, attracted huge crowds! Well, if people were to ask me if i ever regretted joining tapestry, i would say yes. At times during the practices, i asked myself why was i even there, especially with the failing grades. The process is really hard, i must say, and to add on the fact that i'm not much exposed to hip hop. But after the performance, i'm really glad that i joined it. It's definitely one of the most enjoyable performance i've ever done. Even though, i stumbled here and there and didn't really perform well in my opinion. I think i'll kind of miss the practices.=/



Sometimes, i really wonder who the hell i really am...I've been thinking on the bus ride home. I have no idea.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Posted by me:) at 10:12 PM

WE have gone through the extremes : the teeth-chattering coldness of fuji ice palace, and the scorching weather at sentosa. 08s6e has definitely outdone ourselve this time! Hee.

WE set off from school to jec fuji ice palace, determined to reach there before 6j did. The distribution of gloves, collection of tickets and skates, we were on the ice! I am proud to say that members of 08s6e are fast learners. Many first timers, supposedly noobs, managed to grasp hold of the technique in no time and were able to skate around at top speed. Even for a few rare ones who still could not skate well could at the very least, MOVE!!! Although we have met some injuries along the way, our class had displayed class spirit through the unfortunate incident. A blessing in disguise maybe? It was a day of porn actions(mainly wangyi and shaofei), catching, sabotaging, holding of hands, paparazzi action, protective boss, sweet moments and blooming of a life-long friendship=)

We invaded sentosa today.Let's just day that, volleyball was played, rugby was touched, people were buried in sand, guys were bonded in the sea, some were scratched by long finger nails, and everyone was burnt. And i have eyes on my back. Carl juniors were eaten!!! HAHA it was damn fun=D

I guess these may be our last 2 outings before promos. Work hard everyone! And we'll play hard after that!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Posted by me:) at 11:23 PM

There's a saying that a woman wants a man to satisfy all her needs while a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. Lol it's amusing yet true, at least for the first part. As for the latter, what do you think? =)

Friday, August 01, 2008

Posted by me:) at 9:15 PM

Today is quite a fucked up day, seriously it is. The moment i woke up, i knew in my heart that the day will not go well and how right i am. Firstly i realised i lost my notes and hoping that i might have left them in A202, i ran n times to the classroom and to find it occupied for (n-1) times. I was like wth? Can't believe A2o2 is so damn popular. And at the nth time, i've confirmed my suspicion that my set of notes is definitely lost. I don't really understand why it affected me so much, maybe because all my effort put into it and those two tutorials have gone down the drain? I was damn fucking irritated and sad for the whole day.

Hip hop day's over. It was quite boring at first but as the bboys started to perform, it became better. I sort of just rush through the moves, so i can't really feel how i did. Hope it wasn't that bad. We didn't do artemis though.

Well i'm not sure if it's because i have no life, but i'm really looking forward to GEMS and ct outing on monday. Partly because i've not stepped into jec for ages and really miss it and also becaused i look forward to a ct bonding session. Besides, i can't wait to have fun! Gosh i seriously need a life.

Promos is around the corner and i'm so not prepared for it. Basically i've screwed up my block tests real bad since i didn't mug for them. And to get a H3 requires a mean msg of 2.4? How am i going to do it, i have no idea. I have to think of some way as soon as possible.
I guess my resolution for the rest of the days to promos would be: STUDY HARD!
I think i need the help of kelly's pw group- help me quit my addiction towards computer!

My mum received my block test results today. lol is the word to describe my reaction. Apparently, mrs koh wrote i did well for the majority of my subjects. My mum was quite stunned at that comment. And of course, she commented about my physics, which is a total screw up. I'm thinking of getting my letter laminated, it's so cool and amusing.

Nanyang chinese dance concert is tonight; now. All the best to them, too bad i'm not going. Regrets.=(