something i realised
i never was in the picture
i was merely the one who helps maintain the quality of the picture
or you can say i'm the backstage crew of the show
the one whom you turn to when something goes wrong
but tends to neglect when everything's okay

but you know what,
i kinda like my role. :)

to see everything's alright again makes me happy

9min past 3am
and i'm still awake.
boo

the song..a sense of nostalgia overwhelms me.

shagged...
tired...
beat...
exhausted...
bushed...
worn out...
drained...
fatigued...

and it's just the beginning>.<


what ever happened?? i'm puzzled




I dont know what I want
So dont ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road
I'm just walking trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do



Block tests' finally over. woohoo. haha though today doesn't really feel much of being the last day of block tests since lessons resume the next day!! GRRR..and cca is back to normal as well!!! GRRR (X2). Sigh but oh well, at least there's no more need to cram information into my brain for now. And i can sleep peacefully now without sparing a thought about definition of standard enthalpy change of reaction and reaction mechanisms.


Talking about chemistry, today's chemistry paper was LOL. I totally forgot all the mechanisms that i tried so hard to remember the last night. And i had no idea what i did during the test, everything was a blur. I guess i'm gg-fied. haha







OH and i went shopping yesterday (which explains the condition of my chemistry test today) and bought something damn cute! MOKOZI!!!





Yay mine's the green one circled in that sea of mokozis.The biggest one over there! :D Up close would look like the one below. I totally adore his emotion. CUTE!! haha sorry couldn't resist blogging about my mokozi:) oh i bought the red and orange ones too, though smaller. If i have the money, i'll buy the enormous mokozi softtoy and put in my bedroom. But..$$$$

Anyway saw this cartoon on my class blog. watched it and found it quite interesting. An more funny way to learn economics:)

episode 1

episode 2

Back to more lectures, tutorials...and tutorials>.<

And thanks for listening to me vent for hours about my problems. I think i was kinda irritating and bugging but yea thanks alot:) i hope you know who you are.>.<

Am i taken for granted..
if not, why are so many people telling me so..
if not, why do i feel that they don't try their best because they know that i'll be there to tank everything
and yet they seem so unappreciative

Am i being too quiet..
such that they start to take advantage of it
just because i don't retaliate
just because i can't be bothered
just because i'm too tired to care

ever felt that you're invisible in this world
like you are so insignificant to the rest that you practically don't exist
cos that's what i'm feeling now

what to do when your personality just doesn't match theirs
when yall don't laugh at the same type of jokes
when yall to share any common topics
change and try to match them?
or just don't give a damn

i'm confused
they say 勉强不是幸福
so does that mean i should continue being myself and heck care about them
after all any form of "friendship" would be fake and artificial
and i won't be happy

why then, am i bothered about it.

i'm tired of putting up a strong front
and suffer alone inside.
yet the hurt will only be understated in words
who would understand then
the only one who can resolve this is me
but things will end up piling up
and i'm breaking

once again , the dam almost broke
fortunately it didn't
but ended up with increasing cracks
i don't think it can suffer another blow like this anymore
it's on its very last defense

the result would be disastrous
and irreversible
and it'll take a very long time to rebuild itself again

this is not emoing
it's pure sadness and disappointment
they are different
very different

this post is incoherent and messy
the state my mind and heart are in now

this girl here doesn't want to be like this either
she needs lots of plasters, leukoplasts, needles and threads.
she wants to be strong again
she wants to heal and be happy again


I guess i'm the only one alone after all.

Never knew reading blogs can be so depressing.
Maybe i should break away from reading blogs for some time.

For every thought i had of what could have happened, i lose more hope in us.
I guess distance does drive people apart.
Or.. does the fault lies with me.
Maybe i'm not putting enough effort.

Or perhaps i should just let go and face the reality.
We are in different worlds now and i'm just a small and insignificant part of theirs.

I give up.
I don't want to feel like a fool anymore.

Just returned home from school and feeling bored. So i did some personality quizzes :D always a good way to kill boredom. Haha i know i know i'm supposed to be studying for 2nd half of bt but whatever la.. heh

Think i did these long time ago...

The real me ( http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test81.aspx)

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right? (this is so untrue!! i think ppl take me too seriously-.-)
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

What's your personality love style? (http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test80.aspx)

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high. (LOL high standards..)

The Eating Test (http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test43.aspx)

You are generally a calm person. You get excited when your favorite band is in town, when you are going on a date with your partner or when you and your friends are dancing. Your friends mean everything to you. You hate it when the summer is over.
You like art, and some poetry. You can throw a party, or help a friend put one together. You usually have no trouble finding dates, but you occasionally hit a dry spell. You like the outdoors, usually, and rainy weather doesn't bother you. You sometimes get jealous of people who are smarter or better looking than you, but you wouldn't hold it against them if you got to know them. You are on good terms with your parents, even though they annoy you once in a while. People tend to think you are reliable and trustworthy. You like animals.

I sincerely hope everything will turn out fine on tuesday.
But i shan't get my hopes high.
I don't want to be disappointed.

My 2nd toe on my left foot now looks like a freaking brinjal !!! grrr it looks so horrible. Purple and swollen>.<

Moderners went to get our bags at bugis st today. Well at least we attempted to. Turned out that the order was wrong, and that lady kinda got scolded by us. We claimed our deposit back and now she has this stock of 19 really ugly starry bags to clear. Retribution!!

Headed towards peninsula shopping centre to find new bags after lunch. We spent a very long time of more than 2 hours there trying to find a suitable bag. So first we found this cute and sweet star bag but only 9 were available. Next after a very long search,discussion,pursuasion and a tie break (tie breaker happened to be me>.<), we decided on a plain red one. Alas, there were only 11. Then we started getting all pissed and irritated and sian and the list goes on. In the end, we got the one with black and white stripes. Not bad actually. Been getting lots of good feedback from my family. Now i'm liking our bags more and more every passing moment :DD

But i guess what got us real pissed was the whole conflict with the stall holders, accompanied with the irritation, disappointment and fatigue. Seriously, where's all the credit and trust needed in a business deal. The whole situation wasn't nice. I thought we were at a risk of getting beaten up or something.>.<

But hey, we gotten our bags after all , right? Let bygones be bygones..

Hmmm...

i think i'm a very forgiving person. haha.

I really like the bag now.:D looks quite nice.

I wasted my whole day away. surprise surprise.

Econs.. haha i don't know. I ended right on time, thought i had 2 minutes more and so i started flipping the papers and then "stop writing". Dawned upon me that the paper ends at 9:43. So i guess i'm lucky i ended 2 minutes before 9:45 or i wouldn't have finished the paper. :D



My handwriting sucks though. I was appalled by my own handwriting. I tried saving it but they just refused to be saved>.<>





One paper down, more to go.
I can't tell how i've fared in the gp paper but i relatively enjoyed writing paper 1 though. RARE. As for paper 2, haha aq's gg. I don't understand what i wrote. And i can't believe i disagreed with the writer. I actually disagreed with his argument for liberal censorship on pornography and obscenities! Doesn't this reflect that i've no moral values? (which is not true btw) I think the marker's going to have a good laugh over my aq >.<



i'm trying my very best.

I shall be happy happy happy :DDD
I shan't emo nor be sad.
I shan't let anything or anyone affect my emotions.

Then again, it may just be my wishful thinking.

i'm feeling kinda lost. :(
maybe i'm thinking too much
maybe









i wish i'm not
yet i hope it isn't true

The rain was pouring..
It took me by surprise.
Never knew i would ever feel it
Felt it as their backs vanish in sight,
hand in hand
sharing laughters


the feeling of loneliness

it dawned upon me that everyone's gonna leave sooner or later,
for their own life,
their own world.

Lol they are weird. Oh well, now we know what to do to prepare ourselves for the end of the world. Start playing more video games people! :D