Walked past the truck with what's left over of the props used in huangcheng, i don't know what i felt. sad? happy? i was just bursting with emotions. even though i didn't build them with my own hands, i almost couldn't control myself and asked someone to take a pic of me with that truck of planks. I cannot imagine how the daoju people feel if i'm feeling like this already>.<

Last night officially marks the end of huangcheng 2009, sadly but yet happily. I'm guessing all of us, esp the chouwei is feeling pretty down right now. Afterall, we slogged from about sept last year till now.

But after the three shows put up, i think all our sleepless nights, work and effort were worth it. Despite having to make drastic last minute changes, we handled them well. Unknown to many, all of us were in a state of panic before the very first performance. All our runs were screwed, and many things were still in the process of confirmation, even when the other ju was in progress. Many of us were afraid we would let our seniors down, praying at the back and hoping everything will go right. But nevertheless, we did a good job. The response from the audience was exceedingly well. Nearing the end of the first performance, we could finally be more relieved.

The whole adrenaline rush on the first night cause everyone to be dead tired on the second day but we pulled through. Matinee was pretty alright. I think the most memorable moment of matinee would xiemu when we had to sing the song. Thanks to the very alert moxiang, we sang without the music but were still as high. In fact, we did better than we ever did with the music. I guess these are the situations when people really feel the huangcheng spirit, the moments that really touched our hearts. The situations we were most afraid of brought out the best in us:)

Finally comes the very last performance - the time when everyone started to become really crazy. If you thought we were high during bump in, last night was when we went mad. People camwhoring, singing, dancing, jumping...anything possible to do without disturbing the whole show. The laughter by the audience for any scene of each ju, the the ending of each ju, we silently cheered at the back. And when it came to xiemu, we were all in the state of "high-ness" . People started bawling, emo-ing on all the hard work put in, jumping up and down, cheering like there's no tomorrow.

After writing so much, all i'm trying to say is that i've no regrets joining huangcheng. Great friends i made, great fun i had, great time spent. I don't think i'll ever nor do i want to forget my time contributed to huangcheng.

黄城夜韵2009真的让我的梦想起飞了:)

zi-highing now. haha:)
falling into phd later..:(

2 more days to go!!





i think the bahchormee looks quite delicious

I think if ever a GP essay comes out as : why is GP important, i can surely ace that paper.
Why?
Well i have the perfect answer - to defend yourself in times of need.
And i would have the best elaboration and examples to substantiate my point.

I don't understand why i'm always portrayed as that bad, mean and evil character. As if every fucking mistake's my fucking fault. Thanks ah. So what if i tried lamenting and asking for help, what's the help dude? At the end of the day, the whole "negotiation/thrash out" ( mind the inverted commas) ended up having the tables turned on me. wtf?
oh i'm so sorry i'm not eloquent enough to rebut or to build up my argument.
oh i'm so sorry i felt awkward during the whole f-ing thing.
oh i'm so sorry that i found the whole thing laughable
oh i'm so sorry that i found what you said so fucking and really fucking ridiculous that i can't be bothered to rebut.

my problems? what about yours? all the while, you've been talking big about all the problems and link every single thing to me. why can't you just open your freaking eyes and see for yourself the effort we put in and the problems you created.

the reason why i keep quiet? cos you won't like whatever i'm gonna say if i really do "explode".
And even though this's damn anti climax now, but quote:

"You won't like me when i'm angry"

Just because i've never ever scolded and thrashed out at anyone in my whole ~18 years of my life doesn't mean i can't and will not do it. I just don't wanna make things awkward and ruin everything and also by doing that, it would mean what ever's much left of the relationship between us is completely over. And i mean COMPLETELY. C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y. If it wasn't for everyone else, i would have left and leave you in a lurch. Then we'll see what happens. So you know what, i'll stay off your path and you'll stay off mine.

And one thing i'm really sorry about:

I can't stand you.

Ok i'm blogging for the sake for blogging....
but whatever..
10 more days to go before bump in!
Omit the sunday and it's 9!
Omit the school curriculum time and sleeping time, it's half of 216 hours = 108 hours
Omit wednesdays and thurs which basically we can't do much = 60 hours!!
DIE DIE
and problems arising..AAAHH


ok i'm not being high here.
and i'm not being a vain pot here -.-(grr)












Very often, there's only a fine line of difference between just right and overboard.
And it takes experience and exploration to know if you've found the right balance.

I don't know why but i'm in a reflective mood now.
Huang cheng's making me like this for some time, especially as we're nearing bump in.
Just brings back memories of huang cheng 2008.

Like what has been happening for past saturdays, today was fully dedicated to huang cheng again. Zong cai 1. I must say it was indeed quite disappointing. Standing at the backstage, watching the actors act. As a J2 and in the exco as well, i guess it affects me more than some. All our hard work and planning for the past nearly one year, the result really relies on the J1s. I don't remember how it was like last year, maybe it's the same situation, maybe it's worse but it doesn't matter now. What matters most now is that i believe we can do it! (: Yup i strongly believe these last 5 days will make a GRREEAATTTT difference!

Hmm i think what caused me to be so reflective now would be the seniors.

Firstly, it really brought back the feeling of huang cheng 08 when we were all noob J1s.(not that we're very pro now). I just felt a sense of security when they spoke. haha
Secondly, though they didn't really speak much, but the speech/lecture/reprimand was spot on. The sense of urgency and everything, we really don't have it la. I've been quite stressed during the show, running up and down, doing time check but still it felt very different from last year. It feels like no one understands the need to be uptight and urgent in everything we do backstage? And for one, we don't sleep when we're scolded. Maybe we aren't that fierce this year and that's why. However somehow, no matter how much we say, the message just doesn't seem to get through? I've no idea why. I know many of us are at our wits' end and nothing seems to work. Hence the many outbursts, break downs, sighing everyday, mood swings. Yes we are that stressed out. >.<
Sad things aside,
"look around you, you might never see your friends anymore after huang cheng's over"
"this is the last time all of you will work together for a production"
These words caused me to feel a myriad of emotions. Somehow it described what i've been feeling for some time. The loss i predict i'll feel after huang cheng's over. Despite some unhappiness or unpleasant moments during the huang cheng preparation, i had fun. I know i'll miss the days we spent having discussions, putting our brains together to come up with concepts, slacking at b101, taking random photos, niao-ing people, doing retarded stuff, being lame etc. Huang cheng has also got me to know many great people
hell i'll even miss the long hours of meetings

i don't know what will happen on the last show on 26th may
maybe i might just flop onto the floor and start crying or just stone as usual
whatever it is, i know i'll definitely experience phd this year, cos i did last year and it's really very depressing(thus the name phd)
maybe i'll consider hanging out at b101 for some time after huangcheng's over. :D

up till this very minute, we still have 13 more days to go. let's jiayou bah and enjoy ourselves tremendously:DDD

just because.. all the naggings started.
am i some brainless, emotionless kid who doesn't care about his future
am i some thick kid who doesn't know tt his studies suck like shit

as if i'm not overwhelmed enough
just have to add on the stress

i should give up some commitments
do you think i can
fuck i'm nearing the end and you're giving me this shit

no idea what i'm going through, what i'm doing, what i'm overwhelmed with, what efforts i'm putting in
why do i have to put up with the crap you give me

so i'm supposed to mug and do nothing?
no campus life?

don't even understand
and why i don't say anything?
this is why

blows everything up and my ears and heart have to suffer

i'm fucking falling apart once again because of you
so much for support
and this was supposedly a good day

you can say it's not a good day but whatever..

i'm especially pissed at the whole system.
we looked worse

grr the green trenchcoat woman.

i'm sorry i'm not perfect
i don't have perfect IQ or EQ score.
and as accomodatiing i am,
there's a limit.


i'm a just a human after all

been a pretty hectic week for me, especially with all the runs and rehearsals.
but i must say i'm enjoying the time we are spending together.
and as much as it takes up a whole load of my free time,
i'm gonna miss everyone when it's over.

i scalded myself with the hair curler and now i have a scar on my hand>.<

sigh sigh sigh
overwhelmed

i think we had a pretty interesting gp lesson today.
basically we talked abt janitors (genitals), prosmicuous, shotguns, birthrates and etc.
don't you just agree that it was quite a different gp lesson we had?

just reached home
i foresee i shall be damn busy for the following 2 months>.<